"Wish to speak with us, you do?"
"Yes, Master
Yoda," Obi-Wan replied respectfully, his head bowed as he knelt in one of
the anterooms of the Council chamber. The young knight looked haggard in the
ruddy light of the sunset beyond the tall windows; his Force signature was
threaded with a fatigue that escaped his shields with painful ease. "There
is a matter that I must... I fear that I have made a terrible mistake."
The aged master narrowed his green eyes. "No
shame there is, in acknowledging mistakes. Only in prolonging them." He
leaned forward in his seat, inspecting the man before him. "Speak you
should," he said kindly.
Obi-Wan raised his head, his gaze shifting from Yoda
to Mace Windu. "Masters, I... I do not think that I can train Anakin. I
have tried but he is too strong and there is an anger in him that I can neither
contain nor release."
"You knew the
boy was strong when you took him on," Windu pointed out.
"I know,
Master, but I did not fully appreciate how strong he was. And he is growing
stronger every day. I try to teach him but as he grows more aware of his power
the less interested he seems in what I have to say." Obi-Wan closed his
eyes as if in pain. "I have tried to find answers within the Force but all
that my meditations will show me is...." He trailed off, the words
apparently too hard to say.
"Is
darkness," Yoda finished for him. "Seen it also, I have."
"Then you
would consider assigning him to another master?" There was hope in the
young knight's voice. "I know I promised Qui-Gon... but Anakin needs a
more experienced hand than mine. He is only thirteen, he would adapt well to
the change."
Yoda and Windu
exchanged a glance, the elder Jedi's ears flicking back and down in a movement
that spoke of regret. Obi-Wan looked from one to the other as the silence went
on a moment too long. "Masters?" he tried, uncertain.
Windu steepled his
fingers and sighed. "I only wish it were that simple, Obi-Wan."
"But --"
"Consider it we have," Yoda said. "When
darkness we saw, alternatives we sought. Other paths. But no light, we
found. Only darkness. Chosen One he may be, but no
good of him will come."
"Master Yoda,
he's just a little boy --"
"Obi-Wan,"
Windu interrupted. "When Qui-Gon first brought Anakin to the
"I know,
but..."
"But wished to
carry out Qui-Gon's last request, you did." Yoda's ears drooped sadly at
the thought of his former padawan. "A good Jedi, Qui-Gon was, but no
foresight had he. Foresight, you have. Sensitive you are." Leaving his
seat, he shuffled forward, placing a gnarled hand on one brown-clad shoulder in
a gesture of compassion. "And, alas... right you were."
Obi-Wan made a
small, choked sound, his gaze fixed on the tiled floor. "I have
failed."
"No. Done, you
have, as well as any could have asked. The Force wishes this one for the Dark. Accept
that we must. Misguided, would further training be."
"But I
promised...."
"Sorry, we are.
But unacceptable the risk is."
"Then he is to
be released from the Jedi?" Obi-Wan looked from one master to the other
again, confused. "But where would he go? We cannot send him back to
slavery on Tatooine. And the Sith --"
"Would snap
him up in an instant," Windu said gravely. "We cannot send him away
from the
"Seen this
too, we have," Yoda intoned.
Obi-Wan frowned. "Then what will happen to him?
If he cannot be...." He trailed off, paling as horrified realisation
dawned in his grey eyes. "Oh. Oh no. You can't...."
"Kinder, this
way is. Painless, will it be."
The young knight
stared at them, shocked disbelief spreading across his features as Yoda's words
sank in. "He's a child! You can't seriously be proposing that we --"
"Obi-Wan." Windu leaned forward in his seat,
his expression sympathetic. "If there were any other option we would take it.
He is a child now but in a few years time he will be a man and a man of immense
power... and one who is fated to turn no matter what any of us do."
"Master Yoda
said that his future was only clouded," the knight protested, clearly
distressed.
The wizened old
Jedi shook his head with a sigh. "Cleared the clouds have. Only darkness
lies beyond."
"But he...." Obi-Wan swallowed hard.
"He's just a boy. He hasn't *done* anything yet! And I... I
*care* about him. That is why I wanted him to go to another -- because I
cannot give him the training he deserves. I can't just allow him to... to
be...."
"We lose one
life now or many later," Windu told him. "In some of the future paths
Yoda has seen, the entire Jedi Order is destroyed, torn apart by Skywalker's
madness. Even in the easier futures, the death toll is immense. I am sure that
your own visions have been no easier."
"No," the
young knight whispered, "they have not. But I cannot allow *this* to
happen!" He looked up, his expression determined. "It's wrong. It's
against everything we stand for."
"We stand for
the preservation of the light. The manner of that preservation may not always
be pleasant but it is always necessary, regardless of the cost." Windu
leaned forward, his eyes searching Obi-Wan's face. "We face a great threat
here. We can deal with it now or deal with it later. The only difference is in
the number of casualties."
The knight shook
his head. "But I *promised*.... There *has* to be another way."
"I only wish
there were."
"Go,"
Yoda said kindly. "Meditate on this you should. Peace you must find before
done this may be. Your own answers, must you seek."
"Yes,
Masters." Obi-Wan stood shakily, his eyes downcast and his face set. He
hesitated a moment, then bowed and made his way to the door, leaving as quickly
as he could without running. The two Council members watched him go.
"Troubled he
is," Yoda noted.
Windu raised an
eyebrow. "Hardly surprising, given that we've just passed down a death
sentence on his padawan. We have to handle this carefully -- we don't want to
lose Kenobi as well. He's too valuable to
let turn."
"Come to see our way, he shall," the elder
Jedi said calmly. "Done, this will be -- must be -- but understand why, he
should. If understand and accept he can, then lose him we will not." He
nodded, as if in agreement with his own words. "Adaptable, Obi-Wan is. Young, too. Recover he shall,
in time."
"How much time?" Windu looked sceptical. "He's a good
knight --we need more like him. It's a pity that we have to lose Skywalker's
potential but --"
"Recovered
from Skywalker, some potential may yet be," Yoda told him. "Thirteen,
he is, and human male...."
Windu looked
thoughtful. "That could be a worthwhile course to pursue. A routine
medical should be easy enough to arrange.... I take it that we won't be telling
Kenobi about this?"
Yoda looked towards
the door that the young knight had fled through. "We shall not. Troubled
enough already, he is. This also... he does not need. Better to let him think that ended this has."
"Agreed." Windu let his gaze shift to the
ever-moving skies beyond the window, the jagged spires of the cityscape
stretching to the darkening horizon. Yoda had described visions in which he had
seen proud Coruscant fall, the skyline ablaze as millions died at Skywalker's
hand. What
they did now was not entered into lightly but the alternatives were too ugly to
contemplate. Better to sacrifice the one to save the many.... "Qui-Gon
should never have brought him here."
A
snort. "Whatever Qui-Gon pleased, Qui-Gon did. Meant well, but think
things through, he did not. Too old, the boy was, to be taken. Learned this from
Xanatos he should have."
"Qui-Gon was never interested in learning from
his mistakes." Windu sighed. "A shame that this lesson must fall to
Obi-Wan instead."
"Fall to
someone, it must. A final trial for Kenobi, this is."
"Let us hope
that he is strong enough to survive it."
***
Obi-Wan made his
way back to his quarters with a heavy heart. He had requested the meeting with
Yoda and Windu in the hope that he would be separated from his padawan... but
not like this, never like this. For all that Anakin's strength and potential
frightened him, he still cared for the boy, still wanted to see him survive and
grow even if he himself were not his teacher. What had been suggested was
horrific, insane... and yet he could almost see the Council's argument. Visions
of death had haunted him for too long for him to deny their significance.
Numbly, he realised that he had reached his
destination, the apartment he had been assigned on his return from Naboo. The
apartment he would lose for smaller quarters if he ceased to have an
apprentice. Suddenly dizzy, he leaned against the door, resting his forehead on
the smooth, cool surface, trying to think. Something like shock had set in as
he left the Councillors but now it was receding and he could feel the impact of
their words anew. It wasn't as though he were under any illusions about the
methods the Order sometimes used -- there were times when taking prisoners
simply wasn't feasible -- but to kill a child? One of their own? *His* own?
Fighting down the
lump in his throat, Obi-Wan pushed back from the door. It wouldn't do to be
seen in the corridors like this. He had to control his emotions, at least until
he had the chance to sort through them in meditation. Only then he could begin
seeking alternatives to the Council's proposal....
There was a clatter
of footsteps behind him as he palmed the door open, a familiar bright presence
in the Force. Throwing his shields up, Obi-Wan made himself smile as he turned
to greet his padawan. "Good evening,
Anakin. How was your day?"
"Hi, Master!" the thirteen year-old
exclaimed cheerfully, wrapping his arms around the knight in a welcoming hug.
"Classes were okay. Philosophy was as dull as ever -- does Master Hyth'yan
*have* another tone of voice? -- but astronavigation was great. Xenobiology was
pretty good too -- did you know that the Ratiithan lyseworm has seventeen
different stages to its life cycle? Master Krel had one in a jar and it was
even uglier than a womprat! And at lunch, Nasylen said that she'd...."
Obi-Wan let Anakin
chatter on as he steered the boy into their rooms, trying, at least for a few
moments, not to think about his possible fate. There were times, like this,
when it was easy to forget that Anakin was anything other than a normal
padawan, as gifted as any Jedi was but no more than that. Easy to forget that
he was the Chosen One, fated to bring balance at any cost. The horrors of
Obi-Wan's visions seemed to fade a little in the presence of the enthusiastic
youngster, until he could almost dismiss them as groundless nightmares....
And then he would
remember the childish fits of temper, when the Force would darken and curl
around the boy like a storm, ready to be unleashed at Anakin's whim. The one
time he had lashed out at his master, Obi-Wan had been able to turn the attack
aside, dissipating the angry energy before it could do harm. Less fortunate had
been his sparring partner in a group exercise, who had needed to have his arm
set in three places after accidentally clipping the padawan with his training
'sabre. And as Anakin's command of the Force increased, there was always the
fear that next time could be worse....
"Master?"
Obi-Wan blinked,
looking down at Anakin, who had an expression of concern on his face. "I...
I'm sorry, Padawan."
"Are you all
right?"
"Of
course, Anakin. I'm just a... little tired right now."
The boy frowned. "You don't sleep enough."
"You're right, I don't." Sighing, Obi-Wan
let himself drop onto the rather aged couch that had come with the room, trying
not to think of the sleepless nights that had plagued him of late. "Unlike
some, who have trouble getting out of bed in the morning...." He reached
out and ruffled Anakin's hair fondly as the boy settled beside him.
His padawan giggled
and squirmed away. "I'm preserving my strength for the day, Master!"
"You're just
making sure that *you* don't have to prepare breakfast."
"You're a much
better cook than I am." Anakin grinned and leaned against his master's
side, relaxing as Obi-Wan slid an arm around his shoulder. He snuggled closer. "I'd probably poison us
both."
The knight felt a surge of almost painful affection
for the boy at his side and had to fight down a sob. Was this what it felt like
to be a parent? To know that this little life was under your protection, held
there by utter trust and unquestioning love? He had never really known his
family, had instead been raised by the Jedi so that his earliest memories were
of the pale walls of the creche and his fellow initiates, not the warm arms of
his mother. He didn't know how a parent should behave, had no idea if he were
any substitute for his padawan's absent mother. He did his best but could never
really know if it were enough.... And now it might not matter whether it were
enough or not.
Obi-Wan sat up, pulling
away from his padawan. He *had* to get some time for meditation -- for all that
he usually enjoyed quiet time with Anakin, this was agony. "I think I should get an early night."
The boy blinked, then grinned brightly. "Good idea,
Master. I can get myself to bed."
"After several hours in front of the vid screen,
no doubt." Obi-Wan allowed a sliver of humour into his voice -- his
apprentice could be so easy to read sometimes....
"It's
educational," Anakin said cheerily.
"Of course it is, Padawan. *Especially* the
sports channels." Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow and was rewarded with a blush.
He
smiled and tugged briefly on the short blond braid. "Just try not to abuse
my absence *too* much, Anakin...."
"Master, would
*I* do that...?"
***
Secluded in his room, with Anakin thoroughly
distracted by whatever utterly unsuitable vid trash the boy had managed to
find, Obi-Wan shed his clothes, settled down at the end of his bed and
attempted to meditate. After several fruitless minutes he flopped back onto the
covers in frustration, his calm centre elusive amidst the chaos of his
thoughts. Now that the shock had lifted and reaction taken hold, he was left
with a tangled mess of emotions that he would have to pick through to find any
degree of peace.
Taking a deep
breath, the young knight began to order his thoughts.
The thought of
losing Anakin hurt, could not help but hurt given the nature of the training
bond they shared. To think that the boy might die at the hands of the Jedi was
appalling... and yet he could not deny the danger that seemed to hover around
his padawan, darkening the futures despite all that anyone could do. It was
against everything he had been raised to believe but was there really any other
option? The Council seemed to think not and the threat had to be neutralised
somehow....
*No,* he told
himself fiercely. *There HAS to be another way! But what...?* Not finding any
easy answers, he turned his thoughts inward again.
A part of him felt
shame at his failure to carry out Qui-Gon's last request. His master had
entrusted the boy's training to him, a final act of faith that he had *tried*
to fulfil. His master had loved him, his master had *trusted* him... his
master....
Obi-Wan blinked as
realisation washed over him, the mist of grief-ridden sentiment suddenly
lifting from his mind. His master had loved him in his way, yes, but he had
also taken shameless advantage of his padawan's devotion time and again. Right
up until he laid eyes on the little blond menace that was Anakin Skywalker...
at which point Obi-Wan had become just so much excess baggage to be shed at the
earliest opportunity. It still hurt to think about that scene in the Council
Chamber, when he had been openly discarded in favour of Qui-Gon's new protege,
still hurt to remember how he had been the one to have to apologise in an
effort to heal the breach that had opened between them. Twelve years of blind
adoration and at the end of it all, Qui-Gon's final thoughts had been for the
boy, for his training.
He had never even
said goodbye.
Looking back on
those last words now, Obi-Wan found that the only emotion he could summon was
anger. Anger that his loyalty had been for nothing, anger that Anakin had come
between them even then... but mostly anger that Qui-Gon had put him in an utterly
impossible position. What choice had he been given regarding Anakin's training?
Qui-Gon had been his guiding light for half his life, there was no way that he
could deny the man's dying wish, no matter what strain it put on his own
position. At his age he should be going on solo missions, learning his
independence and his place within the Order, not driving himself half mad
trying to train his master's latest and last pet project. It wasn't Anakin's
fault -- that much he couldn't blame on the boy --but it was not the right way
to begin a training relationship. That they had managed to bond at all was
something of a miracle....
Anakin. He was here to
concentrate on Anakin, not on bonds past. Ruthlessly pushing all thought of
Qui-Gon aside he tried to empty his mind once again, seeking his centre.
This time, he found
it.
And the visions
were waiting for him.
Worlds in flames, their continents ablaze as vast
ships pounded their surfaces with fire. Anakin's face, older yet still
recognisable, splashed with blood and twisted with hate as he swung his
lightsabre with obvious intent to kill. The sound of harsh breathing, as if
through a respirator mask. The Temple a burned-out shell, abandoned by the
Order in their flight. Queen Amidala screaming in pain, her belly swollen
with advanced pregnancy. The Jedi hunted across the galaxy, slaughtered like
animals. Darkness everywhere, staining the futures with blood.... And through
it all, the terrifying knowledge that he would survive to see it come to pass,
that he would weather the purges to live with the guilt of having released the
architect of it all into the galaxy....
His eyes snapping
open, Obi-Wan pulled himself back into the present, his heart racing. So much
evil, so much destruction.... Desperately, he plunged himself back into the
dark imagery, seeking other paths, alternative fates. And found nothing, as he
had found nothing on every previous occasion he had tried this.
Dimly, Obi-Wan
became aware of the tears coursing down his cheeks as he wept for Anakin and
for himself. In truth, there was no decision to make -- the loss of the
cheerful innocent would hurt but it would hurt more to release such a monster
into the universe. Anakin was a child now, but he would grow. And change. And
then the boy now happily watching vids on his master's viewscreen would be
transformed into a creature of darkness with the blood of billions on his
hands. To kill a child was a terrible thing, but could they honestly afford to
let him live? Which would be the greater crime?
Whatever happened,
Obi-Wan's conscience would be an inevitable casualty and this one death felt as
though it would be as hard to bear as millions, familiarity making it more
painful than the demise of strangers. And yet the sacrifice *had* to be
made....
Sniffing, Obi-Wan
wiped at his eyes, drying the tears as he set his mind to the task ahead. He
was a Jedi. He was trained to make hard choices. And if this one was harder
than most, it was because it had heavier repercussions than most, for the
entire galaxy as well as for the Jedi Order. It would hurt but he would survive
it, even if Anakin did not.
Decision made, he
rolled himself in his covers and let himself be claimed by thankfully dreamless
sleep.
***
The Healers' Wing
had always made Obi-Wan feel slightly uncomfortable -- ever since his childhood
he had hated being ill or injured, unable to tend to himself, and the sterile
corridors and wards of this section of the Temple always reminded him of those
feelings of helplessness, of dependence. He had always told himself that those
impressions were misguided, foolish, that this place was dedicated to the light
and to the preservation of life....
But
not today. Today would see something else entirely.
Anakin walked at
his side, complaining that this was his third day of tests and it was getting
*boring*. Obi-Wan smiled sadly at his padawan's protests -- for all the boy's
words, Anakin had accepted that the tests were necessary because of his
abnormally high midichlorian count and had submitted himself to the Healers
with remarkably good grace. He had been quite descriptive in his accounts of
the procedures... all bar one, which he had seemed keen to gloss over. Obi-Wan
had not pushed him on that, remembering it all too well himself. The words
"here, kid, take this cup and go fantasise about your master," were
still indelibly stuck in his mind.
On the previous
days, Obi-Wan had sent Anakin to the Healers alone, needing the time to
meditate and prepare for what must be done. Yoda and Mace Windu had visited
him, talking him through what would happen and what to expect
from a suddenly broken training bond... as if he hadn't experienced *that*
already. They had discussed the moral implications of the act, how both action
and inaction would carry their price, and at the end of it all were reconciled
to the necessity of this pre-emptive execution. All that needed to be done now
was the act itself.
"What's next,
Master?" Anakin asked, trying unsuccessfully to keep his frustration out
of his voice. "I don't think I've got anything *left* for them to sample
or measure!"
Obi-Wan smiled weakly. "Just a few...
vaccinations, Padawan. We don't want to you getting ill on a mission, now do
we?"
The boy snorted.
"Doesn't my being the 'Chosen One' protect me from bugs?"
"Better safe than sorry...."
A blue-robed Healer stepped out of a side corridor,
beckoning them to follow her. Obi-Wan recognised her -- Yushana, one of the
more senior Masters and the one assigned to carry out this most delicate of
tasks. She led them to a small room containing a wheeled bunk and some
monitoring equipment, the sterile surroundings making the young knight shiver
as he realised that this was where it was to be done. It seemed so... impersonal.
"You must be
Anakin," Yushana said as she settled the blond padawan on the bunk. "I
just have a few jabs to give you and then we can send you on your way! I know
how you boys hate to be kept down here...." She raised a silvered eyebrow
at Obi-Wan, evidently remembering his protests at that age.
Anakin didn't
answer, instead looking at her suspiciously. Obi-Wan could sense the sudden
wash of uncertainty over the bond as the boy's Force-sense alerted him to peril
at the hands of this stranger. Swallowing hard, the knight laid a calming hand
on his apprentice's shoulder, preparing himself for the course he had decided
on the previous night. "Master Yushana?"
"Yes, Knight
Kenobi?" The Healer was preparing the hypospray, filling it with an
innocuous-looking clear liquid.
"If I may, I
would like to administer the vaccine myself."
Yushana looked at
him, startled. "That really isn't necessary."
"I know."
He had been told that he would be spared this, that he didn't even have to be
there when this was done... but he had felt that he owed Anakin this much. "But
I... it is my duty. There may come a time when I need to administer medication
in the field and, well, any practice would be welcome."
"If you are sure." The Healer seemed rather
reluctant to hand the injector over.
"I am," Obi-Wan told her firmly, taking the
instrument as it was finally offered. He stared at the hypospray for a few
seconds, strengthening his resolve and feeling the guilt gnaw at his conscience
anew. It
seemed too easy. Too callous. How could he send his
apprentice into this alone...?
Yushana cleared her
throat. "There is only one dose in the hypospray, Knight Kenobi," she
said carefully.
Obi-Wan blinked and
looked up at her, only then realising the direction his thoughts had been
taking. Swallowing hard and dismissing the idea from his mind, he turned to his
apprentice. "Roll up your sleeve,
Padawan."
"Master?" Anakin looked decidedly
unconvinced. "I don't want to. What's in there -- it's dangerous. I can feel
it."
Pushing his mental
shields up as far as they would go, Obi-Wan replied, "It's... vaccine for
Bhegrrhyzan meningitis, which is an extremely virulent disease found in several
systems. It's a live vaccine, so you can probably sense the disease organisms
in there, although I assure you that they're weakened to the point that will do
you no real harm."
"But Master,
it feels --"
"Padawan, your
sleeve...."
Anakin tensed,
looking at the plastic and chrome of the hypospray with suspicion... but then
he relaxed, looking up at his mentor with a determined smile as he pulled the
cloth towards his shoulder as requested. "It still feels wrong. But I
trust you, Master."
In that instant,
Obi-Wan's nerve almost gave out, but he forced himself to be calm as he
positioned himself beside his apprentice on the bunk. Pressing the delivery
nozzle against the tanned skin, he murmured, "This will make you feel a
little sleepy --don't fight it, you'll just give yourself a headache."
His padawan's smile
was sunny. "Okay, Master." Anakin didn't even twitch as Obi-Wan
pressed the trigger stud and sent the drug into his bloodstream.
The dose delivered, the young knight threw the
injector to one side, pulling his apprentice across his lap to cradle him in
his arms. Anakin looked at his master as though the man had gone mad but then
his eyes began to sag shut and his head lolled loosely against Obi-Wan's
shoulder as the drug took effect. Yushana stepped forward to pat Obi-Wan's arm,
her gaze sympathetic. Then she turned and left the room, leaving the pair to
this most private of moments.
Obi-Wan held Anakin
to him tightly, burying his face in the brush of golden hair as the boy's
breathing grew slower and more ragged, his pulse fluttering indecisively. The
Force swirled around them, confused and angry, currents of energy seeking
release as the padawan's life force faded back into the void that had conceived
him. Rocking the limp form in his arms, Obi-Wan let his tears flow freely,
mourning the child he had come to love after such an uncertain start. It wasn't
*fair*... but it had been necessary. And now it was far too late to go back.
Pain suddenly
ripped through the knight's mind, the training bond dissolving as Anakin gave a
soft sigh and relaxed into death. The wash of despair that crashed against him
had a strangely familiar feel, carrying with it the memories of Naboo, when he
had cradled his dead master as he now held his dead apprentice. There was a
curious sense of completion to it.
Closing his eyes,
Obi-Wan let the visions come to him again. For a few moments there was nothing,
as though the possibilities were rearranging themselves... and then his inner
eye cleared and showed him its fragile glimpses of the futures.
The darkness was
not completely gone, but it had receded to mere possibility, rather than utter
certainty. The Sith were still out there, a presence in the Force that
complemented the Jedi as much as it opposed them, and there would be trouble
there yet... but the light still stood a fighting chance.
"I'm so sorry, Anakin," Obi-Wan whispered
into the boy's tear-damp hair as the body began to cool in his arms. "So,
so sorry. But it had to be done. We have hope now. We have hope...."
Predictably, Anakin
did not answer.
Aeshna